do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
