So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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