I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
