How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
