There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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