Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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