So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
