I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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