Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
