You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
