Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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