I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The air was thick with penises
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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