Having a random hookup so left but love u
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
