My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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