Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
