I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
