first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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