How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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