what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
two words...techno handjob
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They have beer where we have blood.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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