You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
