in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
