so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
