So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
please come you make the beer taste better
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
