You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
