I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's like heaven, but drunker
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
