They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
