drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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