If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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