I CAN MOONWALK!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
