a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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