I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
