O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Randomize
