Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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