He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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