Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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