my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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