i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
