i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
