ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
