Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
