dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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