I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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