Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
