alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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