you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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