i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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