I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
