fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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