Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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