I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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