drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
