How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
