Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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