No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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