So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
