the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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