whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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