one two three fourrrrnication!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
wow bdsm is so cute
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
