Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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