I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
