wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
