he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
