you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
