Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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