Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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