I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
