it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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