well I can't set my house on fire every night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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