I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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