around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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