"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
