Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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