she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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