Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
